Goodbye, Valentine
by Imhilien
Summary: Willow finds that a disappointing Valentines Day may turn out to be all right after all. [WG Season 2]


Goodbye, Valentine

Disclaimer: No, I don't own any of the Buffy characters.

Willow could honestly say that on most days she never knew what was going to happen next. After all, she lived on top of the Hellmouth didn't she? Every week this meant an assorted variety of demons/vampires/goblins etc appearing at unpredictable times to make life more exciting.

But, thought Willow as she slowly walked down the hall to her locker during her lunch break, today on Valentines Day the same event would happen as it had on countless other Valentine Days.

Firstly, as she approached her locker she wouldn't help but notice the red hearts pinned to the walls, with many on lockers. Secondly, the significant presence of enveloped cards sticking out of lockers and the delighted cries of fellow students as they opened their own envelopes.

Of course there was the third stage, she would reach her locker as she was doing now and look for an envelope sticking out of her own locker. There wasn't one but perhaps, her mind said hopefully now as it did every year, perhaps a card has been pushed inside the locker through the vent.

Again, she believed the voice - wanted to believe it as she spun her locker dial, click click click. She flicked back her auburn hair nervously as she opened her locker that revealed - books. Yesterdays apple. More books.

Suddenly, a change in the script.

"Willow!" a familiar voice called and she turned, her heart jumping to her throat as she saw Xander striding towards her, an intent expression on his face in place of his usual amiable one. He was holding a red envelope in his hand.

Hope flared in her eyes and she clenched a hand into a fist briefly. Striving for calm, she brightly said "Hi!" while her mind gibbered, he's got a card? In that envelope for me? A Valentines Day card for me? Pleasepleaseplease!

Xander stopped in front of her and nervously turned the envelope over once, then opened it.

Smiling hesitantly down at Willow, Xander said, "I spent ages looking for this card".

"Really?" Willow breathed softly while her mind (in serious hyperdrive mode now) yelled A CARD, A CARD FOR ME!

When he brought the card out of the envelope Willow stared with amazed joy at the picture on it of a bashful teddy bear holding a red heart balloon, but suddenly broke from her reverie when she heard what Xander was saying.

"I hope Cordelia likes this card when she sees it".

Willow's mind froze in silence.

"Cordelia?" she said in a faint voice. She slowly lifted her eyes to Xander's face.

Xander, failing to notice anything different about her, rattled on.

"Yeah, I hunted through the shops until I found this one and hey, thought I'd get your opinion first. I mean, there's been some times well, maybe a lot, where I've totally goofed things up. I like the card, but will Cordelia like it? You're my best friend and I want to know what you think. Willow? Willow?"

"It's a um, great card Xander, but I have to go and study," Willow said quietly.

She whirled back to her open locker, fighting to keep the tears from sliding down her face.

"OK, then. Thanks!" she heard Xander say in relief.

GO AWAY Xander leavemego…

"Well, I'll see you later - goodbye, Willow."

"Goodbye, Xander" she said in the same quiet voice. Goodbye, Valentine…

As Xander walked off he could have sworn he heard a note of finality in her voice. Nah, he was imagining it of course. Good old Willow.

Willow blindly stared at the books in her locker in silent pain, a detached part of her mind amazed at how hurt she felt. After all, when the guy you've had a crush on for ages approaches you with a Valentines Day card you think it's for you right?

She had let the shell around her heart, painfully built over years of petty slights, exclusions, humiliation and rejection drop briefly at the sight of his card and Xander's actions had hurt her deeply. She felt like one of those weepy heroines of the Victorian romance books she had occasionally sneaked a look at. Books. Library. Haven.

Yes, she needed a haven right now and the library was the best place. She slammed the locker door shut, locked it and headed towards the library. If she ran into Giles she would fob him off with a story of how she had to do some 'special research' that would coincidentally be in the most quiet, darkest corner of the library where she could be safely alone. He would be easily fooled.

The library had always felt like a second home to Willow, and as she shut its doors behind her quietly she felt her feelings of betrayal and despair muted slightly by the homely comfort of this place.

Mind you, in here as well as most places in Sunnydale there was a faint undercurrent of menace that Giles had noted in his slightly bossy way of speaking as being "the uh, etheric vibes of the Hellmouth leaking on to the physical plane."

Despite the way she felt, Willow felt a faint smile tugging at her mouth. Good old Giles.

As she walked into the library, her shoes going click-click on the floor she could see that she was alone in the library, as the time worn tables were bare and Giles was absent. However, he could be in his office researching Watcher stuff. His office door was shut and there was no sound coming from within.

Willow shrugged. She didn't care. Right now, all that mattered was that no one was here to see her vulnerable. Apart from the Slayerettes, no one used the library often. It was, 'like, so uncool'.

Willow continued walking, past the tables and her computer, beyond the shelves, finally slumping onto one of the easy chairs against the far wall. She tossed her bag aside, staring unseeing into space, her heart feeling heavy and sad. Silent tears coursed down her cheeks.

It hurt. It hurt knowing that Xander would only see her as a friend, never as a girlfriend. It hurt, knowing Xander was probably giving that card to Cordelia right now. Willow hoped she would throw it back in his face and say something catty and humiliating. It hurt, knowing there was no one else out there for her. Someone she could talk to and share things with. Someone she could laugh with. Someone like Giles?

She sat up abruptly. Giles? He was an adult! Too old for her. Too old, period. Yes, they both got along and shared many things including a common love of knowledge. They did talk and sometimes shared a joke. But she had never considered him as boyfriend material, and she couldn't imagine herself starting now.

She closed her eyes and sank back in the chair wearily. She didn't feel like thinking any more. Her mind drifted.

The bang of the library doors brought Willow back to reality with a start. Glancing at her watch she saw that her lunch hour was nearly over. The despair and anger had eased, leaving numbness in her heart. She quietly got up and cautiously peered behind a shelf, seeing that Giles had come back. The tall, sensibly dressed librarian headed into his office, his cursory glance around the library missing Willow who had withdrawn quickly from his sight.

Curiously, Willow couldn't decide whether she was glad or sorry that Giles hadn't seen her. Blinking her eyes she knew that she didn't need a mirror to tell her that her face looked a blotchy, red mess. Rummaging quietly through her bag she found her water bottle and after wetting a tissue wiped her face gently.

Feeling a bit better she repacked her bag, put it on and quietly edged her way through the library. She didn't feel like staying and taking the chance that Giles might decide to wander around the library and see her in her current state. Besides, lunchtime was nearly over. If she was lucky Giles would not see her. She wasn't lucky.

As she sneaked past his office Giles happened to catch a glimpse of her auburn hair and called her name out in surprise. He could've sworn he was alone. Putting down his Watcher diaries he got up and walked out of the office, pausing in alarm at the sight of her silent figure, her puffy eyes avoiding his stare.

"Willow, I didn't know you had been here...what's wrong?"

"Nothing," said Willow tiredly, still refusing to look up at him. She squeaked when she felt his fingers gently lift her face to his concerned green gaze.

"There is something wrong if you have been crying," he said quietly. "Please tell me."

Willow opened her mouth to say she was fine, when to her embarrassment her tears started flowing again. Instinctively Giles wrapped his arms around her as she started weeping quietly. He murmured comforting sounds as he wondered in dismay what had brought her here in such a state.

He had always had a soft sot in his heart for Willow, ever since the first day she had come here. She had been a shy girl yet eager to learn, who like him felt happy being in the quiet comfort of the library.

A friendship had grown quickly between them and it was only in the last few months that Giles had begun wishing for that friendship to deepen as his feelings toward her had grown stronger, despite saying to himself that it would be unsuitable - he was too old for her, that she deserved better. A voice that he had tried to ignore had whispered inside him that if Buffy could love a vampire FAR older than her, then why should he, Giles, be concerned by a mere 20 years in comparison to Willow?

Willow, her initial surprise at being held by Giles fading, realised that she didn't mind being held by Giles. Quite the opposite - and shouldn't she be worried by that? With her face resting against his chest, she could feel the steady beating of his heart and smell the faint aroma of the spicy aftershave he used.

He gently released her and silently led her to a spare chair in his office, and pulling his chair close to her they sat down and he said softly, "I never thought I would see one of my favourite students like this. I want to help - is there a problem with school? home?"

"No" said Willow shakily and hoping that he wouldn't laugh at her she told him her story, hesitantly at first then with more steadiness, her voice shaking at times. His face became grim as he listened, his firm mouth tightened and his green eyes were stormy. When she had finished and was looking at him sadly, Giles was strongly tempted to hunt down Xander and knock some sense into his dense head for hurting Willow.

Why, if he had been Xander, he would have given her the biggest Valentines Day card he could find, as he stood, suddenly fuming. He paused in consternation as he realised he had said those last words aloud. Would Willow start laughing at him or would she walk out in disgust?

Hesitantly he looked down and saw her smiling at him shyly. She stood slowly, realising they had both come to a crossroads. They could both forget what he had said and put it behind them - or they could go down this new path together, wherever it would lead them.

To her surprise her heart was light with the knowledge that Giles cared for her. Willow couldn't say if she truly cared for Giles in that way but the potential was there, and she wanted to find out. She reached out a hand to Giles.

"I'd like that a lot," she said softly and was rewarded with his smile of wonder as he took her hand and unexpectedly kissed her palm.


End file.
